[A few notes,
-authors comment are bold
-Part 3 does not add much to the story-and hence you can safely skip it
latest part *flashing*
If you are in the mood of a better story click here
]
"Talk to him once if you don't like him then just reject him!"
Mita was uncomfortable with this...she hated this concept...of being looked at or looking at someone in that way. It is so much better to know people for who they are without having to see them through the prospective angle/lens.
It’s pretty stressful to talk to someone with that little piece of information at the back of your head.
It came as a relief that Nidhi had already done the ground work for her. She had already told the guy "everything" -all the things that had stopped others in their track! After all it was Nidhi's cousin she was talking about.
"I can't reject anyone! It’s so cruel!"
"Fine, do whatever you want" she could sense the anger in Nidhi's voice.
And we all know when a woman uses the word "fine" that means trouble.
"To be honest with you Nidhi...I am ok the way I am...I don't want any of this"
"Fine. All I am asking is to talk to him"
"I am more comfortable emailing"
"Okie will let him know"
"Thanks hon! And don't you get angry with me...you are all I got here!"
"That’s what I am saying let me help you...you deserve so much better...and would I pick someone bad for you?"
"Okie my head is going to swell up now...so I will talk to you later"
She kept the phone down.
She received an email from him the next day. He told her that Nidhi had told him everything about her. He was fine with it, after all no one in this world is perfect and everyone has a history. And that he had heard so many good things from Nidhi about her. He wanted to know more about her from her.... At the end of the email, he asked for a picture.
Mita thought about it. Her heart and head both said "No" but for Nidhi's sake she will send him a picture. She wasn't a beauty just average looking...so she took a really bad picture of herself and sent it to him. Hoping he wouldn't be interested after that...after all how much can a guy take! But surprise of surprise he found her cute! And said how beautiful she looked.
And the emails began to flow in...
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Part -2
He seemed eager to know about her. He had said all the right things. But there was something that Mita could not put a finger on it but something in her being advised her against it...some sort of sixth sense. It had warned her before, but she had suppressed it then and the consequence she will have to live with for the rest of her life. She was utterly confused. On one hand was the pressure from everyone around her to get married...she was fast approaching the dreaded age. She didn't have anything special about her...average looks, average finances...and then at the top of it the stigma of...she shook her head to not even start thinking about that....
Nidhi had promised her she told him "everything"...he never mentioned any of it in his emails...only in the first he had mentioned none of us being perfect....
She didn't have it in her to find love again. And everyone else had given up on her...through it all Nidhi had stood by her like a rock...She still instilled hope in her...and after her(Mita's) last attempt had failed...Nidhi decided to step in and take some action and that’s how Vivek came in the picture.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3
"Good Night!"
"Good night, Kev" she looked at the time it was already 7.30 and she was still at work trying to meet the unrealistic schedules that managers promise to the executive team!
She hated taking her work home but she didn't have much of a choice, she shoved the notebook in the bag and headed home, there were still people working...but she was exhausted.
"Good night guys"
"Good night Mita"
"Have a good one"
"See you tomorrow"
By the time she reached home it was already 8.30.
She rebooted her computer, logged into messenger, switched on the TV. Picked up the phone to check her messages.
You have 2 new messages. To listen to your messages press 11...
The automated voice response continued.
First Message
"Mita, its me (It was Nidhi) its 8 o clock where are you? Nothing particular will call you later. Bye"
To reply to the message press...Second message
"Haan meetu beta, call home...you didn't even call last week (It was mom)"
She calculated the time must be around 7 in the morning in India. It was too early to call mom and dad.
She called Nidhi
Her husband picked up the phone
"Hi Nidhant"
"Hi Mita, how are you?"
"I am good and you?"
"I am good too. You sound tired though"
"Kinda, long day at work..."
"Tell me about it! Let me call Nidhi"
"Thanks"
"Heeey!!!"
"Hi Nidhi, got your message"
"Yes, so how is it going?"
Mita knew what she was asking!
"katt rahi hai"
"Kaat maat...so how is it going with Vivek "
"I donno...he seems like a nice guy"
"He is"
"Leave her alone Nidhi...she just came back from work let her rest". She could overhear Nidant.
"You just got home? From work you mean?"
"Where else?”
"You know what Nidant is right will call you on the weekend"
"It’s ok. You tell me, how are you"
"Same old same old. I was talking to my aunt last night and it occurred to me you haven't told me how is it going with Vivek?"
"He emails me now and then and I reply to him. Last week he asked me if I have messenger".
Nidhi detected no emotions in the way she said that.
"You know what, take a few days off...lets go to Montreal..."
"I wish...release hai...and I have to fend for myself", she laughed.
"Hmm...we will have to do something about that"
They both laughed.
"Mita, call me on the weekend"
"Alrighty"
"Bye."
"Bye"
She worked on the project for a few hours.
What a life she thought. It occurred to her no wonder she did not have anyone in her life...where was the time for it? An online relationship was all she had time for!
----------------------------------------
*Sorry folks totally went of track here...will get back on track soon! This sounds more like vi's life then mita's ;)*
She checked her mail. There was one from Vivek. She opened it almost excitedly.
It read:
Hi Mita,
I am going out of town for a week. Just letting you know (not that it matters…we are not in the same town or even country for that matter!)…might not get a chance to reply to your mail fast enough! I am going to Vienna on a business trip. I will be back in a week’s time.
Take care.
Vivek
It seemed so matter of fact. She was almost disappointed. But she was partly to blame for it. He had given her his number in the first email itself. She still hadn’t called him or given him her number. It was not that she was playing hard to get, she just wasn’t sure of herself anymore. Shal(esh) had completely shattered her belief in people as well as her self-esteem. Although, if he(Vivek) really wanted he could have got it from Nidhi-he had asked her instead. She thought.
She clicked the reply button but decided against it. It was about time she called him.They had been exchanging emails for over a month now. She needed to get past Shal at any cost; it was enough that he had driven her to insanity-the breakdown and all the trips to the shrink flashed before her eyes. And the slap that Shal’s wife registered across her face, the slap that finally brought her out of the lie she was living..everything came back to haunt her.
It was almost evening; she was still contemplating whether she should call him. She finally dialed the number.
“Vivek Speaking” an awesome voice answered.
“Hi Vivek”
“Hi” (confused)
“Guess who is calling!” This was more to know about all the women he knew (wicked!)
“Hmmm…Mita?”
She laughed.
“How did you know…must be the caller ID?”
“aa-oo- busted!”
Now they both laughed.
“So finally, I thought you would never call!”
“I wanted to…”
“It’s ok. So how are you?”
“I am good and you?”
“Couldn’t be better”
“So Vienna and that too for a business trip?”
“(Laughs) Yes, unfortunately. Nidhi tells me you are quite a traveler yourself”
“That would be an exaggeration. I have been to a few places that’s about it”
“Have you been to Vienna?”
“No, never been there”
There was a beep for an incoming call.
“Vivek, I have an incoming call…sorry will have to take it”
“Sure. Can I call you?”
“Sure you can! Bye”
“Bye”
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
one story idea many stories...Punds version...a must read!
"Talk to him once if you don't like him then just reject him!"
Mita was uncomfortable with this...she hated this concept...of being looked at or looking at someone in that way. It is so much better to know people for who they are without having to see them through the prospective angle/lens.
Its pretty stressful to talk to someone with that little piece of information at the back of your head.
It came as a relief that Nidhi had already done the ground work for her. She had already told the guy "everything" -all the things that had stopped others in their track! All the details. After all it was Nidhi's cousin she was talking about.
"I can't reject anyone! Its so cruel to do that"
“Fine, do whatever you want" she could sense the anger in Nidhi's voice
And we all know when a woman uses the word "fine" that means trouble.
"To be honest with you Nidhi...I am ok the way I am...I don't want any of this"
Fine. All I am asking you is talk to him"
"I am more comfortable emailing"
"Okie will let him know"
"Thanks hon! And don't you get angry with me...you are all i got here!"
"Thats what i am saying let me help you...you deserve so much better...and would I pick someone bad for you?"
"Okie my head is going to swell up now...so i will talk to you later"
She kept the phone down.
She recieved an email from him the next day. He told her that Nidhi had told him everything about her. He was fine with it, after all no one in this world is perfect and everyone has a history. And that he had heard so many good things from Nidhi about her. He wanted to know more about her from her.... At the end of the email. He asked for a picture.
Mita thought about it. Her heart and head both said "No" but for Nidhi's sake she will send him a picture. She wasn't a beauty just average looking...so she took a really bad picture of herself and sent it to him. Hoping he wouldn't be interested after that...after all how much can a guy take! But surprise of surprise he fould her cute! And said how beatiful she looked.
And the email began to flow in...
He seemed eager to know about her. He had said all the right things. But there was something that Mita could not put a finger on it but something in her being advised her against it...some sort of sixth sense. It had warned her before, but she had supressed it then and the consequence she will have to live with for the rest of her life. She was utterly confused. On one hand was the pressure from everyone around her to get married...she was fast approaching the dreaded age. She didn't have anything special about her...average looks, average finances...and then at the top of it the stigma of...she shook her head to not even start thinking about that....
Nidhi had promised her she told him "everything"...he never mentioned any of it in his emails...only in the first he had mentioned none of us being perfect....
She didn't have it in her to find love again. And everyone else had given up on her...through it all Nidhi had stood by her like a rock...She still instilled hope in her...and after her(Mita's) last attempt had failed...Nidhi decided to step in and take some action and thats how Vivek came in the picture.
Mita was warming up to Vivek but then she had her doubts. Men are always like that. They come up as caring and loving at first but turn out the opposite, a complete monster. There were times when she was at the receiving end, emotionally and physically. Right from her teen ages, she did not have much luck with men. They have been arrogant, abusive, self-centered and violent. She did not want to go through it again. Not after all these years. She just wanted to be her. Was there not one person who could stand by her? She had given so much to every relationship but what she has got back in return?
As she sat one night thinking of where life had taken her, she switched on her computer to find one more mail from Vivek. Her heart skipped a beat. She was surprised at her own anticipation. Two months ago, when Nidhi had given her email id to Vivek, she replied back just because Nidhi wanted it. Now she waited for his mails, replied the same hour and sometimes just checked to see if he sent anything, even a stupid forward.
She opened the mail. As always, the words were warm and kind. He was describing his day and then was asking about her day, the usual stuff. Even that made Mita like him more. She continued reading till she came to the last line
P. S.: I know you may still not like it, but can we meet?
Mita froze, not by the request but on the thought of meeting him. Communicating through mail was easy but meeting personally was something she was not prepared for. For the first time, she did not reply back immediately. Mita spent the whole night thinking. In the morning she called Nidhi. Nidhi was overjoyed.
“You should go”
“But….”
“Listen, no buts, just go! I know Vivek, he is very shy. He asking to meet is certainly a good sign and if you afraid to go alone, take Shweta”
“But….”
“Fine! Do whatever you want”
Mita sighed helplessly. This was sheer blackmail. She agreed reluctantly. She replied back to the mail agreeing to meet him. The reply from him was instant and rather enthusiastic. The date and time was fixed.
From morning Mita was feeling a little nervous. She had to meet Vivek in the evening. She decided to take Nidhi’s advice and take Shweta along. Convincing her was not a problem. But her dance class in the evening was a big hurdle. She talked to Nidhi who agreed to drop Shweta at the restaurant itself which meant she was going to face him alone. She dreaded that.
By evening she was getting jittery. She fussed over her dress and her make-up and her jewelry. Nidhi who had volunteered to help her get ready was surprised at her enthusiasm.
They laughed like teenagers getting ready and fighting over the dress. Mita felt like a teenager again. She looked at herself in the mirror. Not bad, not bad at all!
Mita sat on the corner table. No sign of him yet. Had she been stood up, again? She was made to look stupid, again. He last few days, she had felt a renewed interest in life, a will to live life at its fullest. She was willing to live again, dream again. As she waited for him, she was seeing her dreams crashing one by one. She smiled at herself. Atleast, they did not have to go through the break phase.
“Hi, Mita?” A sweet firm voice woke her from her thoughts.
“huh? Yes! Yes! Ohh Hi” She fumbled with her words
“Its Vivek, Sorry I am late. Had to do some errand and the traffic, you know how it is?”
She smiled back. Her mind was screaming. “Say something! Stupid!”
“Oh! Don’t worry! I have just been waiting for the last 2 hours….only” She could have bitten her tongue when she said that. “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” her mind screamed.
He laughed at that joke. “I am very sorry. I will make up to it! I promise!”
“Please sit! I hope you are comfortable. This is odd for me too. I don’t meet females in restaurants, you know. But since Nidhi thought we should meet and she said you wanted to meet too.”
Nidhi! So this was Nidhi’s idea. She was cursing Nidhi in her head. What a show of anger that girl can put.
“I am sorry. But Nidhi told me that you wanted to meet” Mita corrected him
“Oh! Is it? The devil she is!” The waiter came to their table and they ordered giving her the choice to order for herself and for him too. She was impressed. No man had asked for her choices.
They started talking over food. A bit shy at first, they started opening up slowly. After some time, they were cracking jokes.
“This is different” Mita thought and smiled at herself.
She noticed that, he was glancing at the door from time to time. She had been doing so too. Shweta should be here by now.
“Are you expecting someone?” She asked
“Yes! She should have been here long time ago!” He replied without looking at her.
Mita looked at him, shocked. She? Did he say She? This was not what she had expected. Maybe he had met someone else. This was just a bye-bye dinner. As she was Nidhi’s friend, he felt an obligation to tell her in person. Her dreams started crashing again. He was going to introduce her to his new girl-friend? She felt like a loser already. Why the hell did she agree to Nidhi?
“There is something I wanted to tell you” he said taking another helping of the pulav.
“Here it comes” Mita thought
Without actually waiting for a reply, he continued “We have been talking on the email a lot. Nidhi has told everything about you and I feel that everyone makes mistakes”
“Mistake?” She thought, Even He agreed, it was a mistake. All this crap about starting a new life and everything, all this was a mistake. He was referring to his mistake of talking to her in the first place. She was feeling humiliated there. She just wanted to get it over with. She wanted to cry her heart out.
“Since the last few days, I feel that I have found the perfect person to spend my life with for the rest of my life” He continued looking into her eyes. She looked at him, shocked
Yes! She was right. He had come here to tell that everything was over. What kind of happiness did he get by telling her on her face? She had come all the way here to see who he was going to marry?
“There she is” he said looking at the door.
Mita was just trying to get out of the shock of him telling her about his “Life partner” and now the ‘other’ woman in her life was at the door. She turned toward the door, expecting to see a beautiful woman smiling, but saw a small 5-year old girl running up to him.
“Daddy” She jumped on him. He caught her lightly.
Standing behind was Nidhi, still holding Shweta’s hand. Shweta’s other hand was holding a dripping ice-cream. Shweta looked at Mita and walked to her.
“Mummy! Nidhi aunty is nice she gave me two ice-creams but Ashi only wanted one” Shweta smiled pointing to the little girl sitting on Vivek’s lap.
Mita was confused. Vivek was smiling and Nidhi was smiling and happy.
“Sorry! I did not tell you.” Nidhi started “It was just that you would freak out when you know Vivek was already married once, just like you. His wife died two years back. He saw you, when you came to drop Shweta in the dance classes. Ashi is his daughter. He saw you there with me and then when we talked about you and then I told him everything. Everything from your first marriage, your drunk husband, the abuses and the divorce.” Nidhi completed in one breath as she sat next to them.
Mita was still shocked to say anything.
“She didn’t know about Ashi?” Vivek asked “I told you Nidhi. She has to know everything”
“You don’t know she is paranoid. She has let a number of good men pass and always made some bad choices. Have you asked her?” Nidhi asked. Vivek nodded affirmatively.
“Look Mita! I always thought you had made some bad choices but then you always believed them. Even when you married, you thought he would change. He didn’t. If I would have introduced Vivek with all the truth, you would have backed out. For you he would be a married man with a child. You would have never known him.” Nidhi was trying to reason out with Mita. “I think you both make a wonderful couple. He wanted someone who had a child of her own so that Ashi gets the same love her real mother would give her.”
Mita looked at Ashi. She was a sweet child. Ashi and Shweta were playing at the other table totally oblivious of the drama happening there. Mita looked at Vivek and then at Nidhi. There were some decision to be made. It was of no use waiting and thinking it over. She was tired of putting her decision on hold and then regretting over it.
She looked at Vivek “Vivek, call me in the evening. We need to talk” She called out to Shweta to go home.
Vivek was silent “Listen! I am sorry. I thought Nidhi…”His voice trailed of looking at her face. Nidhi stood there silent. She shook her hands in despair.
Mita took Shweta’s hand and started walking toward the exit. Nidhi wanted to call her from behind but decided otherwise.
Mita stopped, looked back at Vivek and Nidhi. She kneeled down in front of Shweta and looked her in her eyes
“Do you know, who Ashi is?” Mita asked Shweta. Nidhi shook her head in despair expecting her anger to come out then and there. Shweta nodded a big “No”
‘Well! Beta! She is your sister” Mita smiled looking at Vivek and Nidhi. Shweta jumped with joy. Vivek was smiling sheepishly. Nidhi was too happy to say anything.
Mita got up, looked at Vivek again, smiling this time “Vivek, call me, I need to discuss a lot of things with you. A lot of things need to be planned out for the wedding” Vivek and Nidhi smiled back in agreement.
Mita was uncomfortable with this...she hated this concept...of being looked at or looking at someone in that way. It is so much better to know people for who they are without having to see them through the prospective angle/lens.
Its pretty stressful to talk to someone with that little piece of information at the back of your head.
It came as a relief that Nidhi had already done the ground work for her. She had already told the guy "everything" -all the things that had stopped others in their track! All the details. After all it was Nidhi's cousin she was talking about.
"I can't reject anyone! Its so cruel to do that"
“Fine, do whatever you want" she could sense the anger in Nidhi's voice
And we all know when a woman uses the word "fine" that means trouble.
"To be honest with you Nidhi...I am ok the way I am...I don't want any of this"
Fine. All I am asking you is talk to him"
"I am more comfortable emailing"
"Okie will let him know"
"Thanks hon! And don't you get angry with me...you are all i got here!"
"Thats what i am saying let me help you...you deserve so much better...and would I pick someone bad for you?"
"Okie my head is going to swell up now...so i will talk to you later"
She kept the phone down.
She recieved an email from him the next day. He told her that Nidhi had told him everything about her. He was fine with it, after all no one in this world is perfect and everyone has a history. And that he had heard so many good things from Nidhi about her. He wanted to know more about her from her.... At the end of the email. He asked for a picture.
Mita thought about it. Her heart and head both said "No" but for Nidhi's sake she will send him a picture. She wasn't a beauty just average looking...so she took a really bad picture of herself and sent it to him. Hoping he wouldn't be interested after that...after all how much can a guy take! But surprise of surprise he fould her cute! And said how beatiful she looked.
And the email began to flow in...
He seemed eager to know about her. He had said all the right things. But there was something that Mita could not put a finger on it but something in her being advised her against it...some sort of sixth sense. It had warned her before, but she had supressed it then and the consequence she will have to live with for the rest of her life. She was utterly confused. On one hand was the pressure from everyone around her to get married...she was fast approaching the dreaded age. She didn't have anything special about her...average looks, average finances...and then at the top of it the stigma of...she shook her head to not even start thinking about that....
Nidhi had promised her she told him "everything"...he never mentioned any of it in his emails...only in the first he had mentioned none of us being perfect....
She didn't have it in her to find love again. And everyone else had given up on her...through it all Nidhi had stood by her like a rock...She still instilled hope in her...and after her(Mita's) last attempt had failed...Nidhi decided to step in and take some action and thats how Vivek came in the picture.
Mita was warming up to Vivek but then she had her doubts. Men are always like that. They come up as caring and loving at first but turn out the opposite, a complete monster. There were times when she was at the receiving end, emotionally and physically. Right from her teen ages, she did not have much luck with men. They have been arrogant, abusive, self-centered and violent. She did not want to go through it again. Not after all these years. She just wanted to be her. Was there not one person who could stand by her? She had given so much to every relationship but what she has got back in return?
As she sat one night thinking of where life had taken her, she switched on her computer to find one more mail from Vivek. Her heart skipped a beat. She was surprised at her own anticipation. Two months ago, when Nidhi had given her email id to Vivek, she replied back just because Nidhi wanted it. Now she waited for his mails, replied the same hour and sometimes just checked to see if he sent anything, even a stupid forward.
She opened the mail. As always, the words were warm and kind. He was describing his day and then was asking about her day, the usual stuff. Even that made Mita like him more. She continued reading till she came to the last line
P. S.: I know you may still not like it, but can we meet?
Mita froze, not by the request but on the thought of meeting him. Communicating through mail was easy but meeting personally was something she was not prepared for. For the first time, she did not reply back immediately. Mita spent the whole night thinking. In the morning she called Nidhi. Nidhi was overjoyed.
“You should go”
“But….”
“Listen, no buts, just go! I know Vivek, he is very shy. He asking to meet is certainly a good sign and if you afraid to go alone, take Shweta”
“But….”
“Fine! Do whatever you want”
Mita sighed helplessly. This was sheer blackmail. She agreed reluctantly. She replied back to the mail agreeing to meet him. The reply from him was instant and rather enthusiastic. The date and time was fixed.
From morning Mita was feeling a little nervous. She had to meet Vivek in the evening. She decided to take Nidhi’s advice and take Shweta along. Convincing her was not a problem. But her dance class in the evening was a big hurdle. She talked to Nidhi who agreed to drop Shweta at the restaurant itself which meant she was going to face him alone. She dreaded that.
By evening she was getting jittery. She fussed over her dress and her make-up and her jewelry. Nidhi who had volunteered to help her get ready was surprised at her enthusiasm.
They laughed like teenagers getting ready and fighting over the dress. Mita felt like a teenager again. She looked at herself in the mirror. Not bad, not bad at all!
Mita sat on the corner table. No sign of him yet. Had she been stood up, again? She was made to look stupid, again. He last few days, she had felt a renewed interest in life, a will to live life at its fullest. She was willing to live again, dream again. As she waited for him, she was seeing her dreams crashing one by one. She smiled at herself. Atleast, they did not have to go through the break phase.
“Hi, Mita?” A sweet firm voice woke her from her thoughts.
“huh? Yes! Yes! Ohh Hi” She fumbled with her words
“Its Vivek, Sorry I am late. Had to do some errand and the traffic, you know how it is?”
She smiled back. Her mind was screaming. “Say something! Stupid!”
“Oh! Don’t worry! I have just been waiting for the last 2 hours….only” She could have bitten her tongue when she said that. “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” her mind screamed.
He laughed at that joke. “I am very sorry. I will make up to it! I promise!”
“Please sit! I hope you are comfortable. This is odd for me too. I don’t meet females in restaurants, you know. But since Nidhi thought we should meet and she said you wanted to meet too.”
Nidhi! So this was Nidhi’s idea. She was cursing Nidhi in her head. What a show of anger that girl can put.
“I am sorry. But Nidhi told me that you wanted to meet” Mita corrected him
“Oh! Is it? The devil she is!” The waiter came to their table and they ordered giving her the choice to order for herself and for him too. She was impressed. No man had asked for her choices.
They started talking over food. A bit shy at first, they started opening up slowly. After some time, they were cracking jokes.
“This is different” Mita thought and smiled at herself.
She noticed that, he was glancing at the door from time to time. She had been doing so too. Shweta should be here by now.
“Are you expecting someone?” She asked
“Yes! She should have been here long time ago!” He replied without looking at her.
Mita looked at him, shocked. She? Did he say She? This was not what she had expected. Maybe he had met someone else. This was just a bye-bye dinner. As she was Nidhi’s friend, he felt an obligation to tell her in person. Her dreams started crashing again. He was going to introduce her to his new girl-friend? She felt like a loser already. Why the hell did she agree to Nidhi?
“There is something I wanted to tell you” he said taking another helping of the pulav.
“Here it comes” Mita thought
Without actually waiting for a reply, he continued “We have been talking on the email a lot. Nidhi has told everything about you and I feel that everyone makes mistakes”
“Mistake?” She thought, Even He agreed, it was a mistake. All this crap about starting a new life and everything, all this was a mistake. He was referring to his mistake of talking to her in the first place. She was feeling humiliated there. She just wanted to get it over with. She wanted to cry her heart out.
“Since the last few days, I feel that I have found the perfect person to spend my life with for the rest of my life” He continued looking into her eyes. She looked at him, shocked
Yes! She was right. He had come here to tell that everything was over. What kind of happiness did he get by telling her on her face? She had come all the way here to see who he was going to marry?
“There she is” he said looking at the door.
Mita was just trying to get out of the shock of him telling her about his “Life partner” and now the ‘other’ woman in her life was at the door. She turned toward the door, expecting to see a beautiful woman smiling, but saw a small 5-year old girl running up to him.
“Daddy” She jumped on him. He caught her lightly.
Standing behind was Nidhi, still holding Shweta’s hand. Shweta’s other hand was holding a dripping ice-cream. Shweta looked at Mita and walked to her.
“Mummy! Nidhi aunty is nice she gave me two ice-creams but Ashi only wanted one” Shweta smiled pointing to the little girl sitting on Vivek’s lap.
Mita was confused. Vivek was smiling and Nidhi was smiling and happy.
“Sorry! I did not tell you.” Nidhi started “It was just that you would freak out when you know Vivek was already married once, just like you. His wife died two years back. He saw you, when you came to drop Shweta in the dance classes. Ashi is his daughter. He saw you there with me and then when we talked about you and then I told him everything. Everything from your first marriage, your drunk husband, the abuses and the divorce.” Nidhi completed in one breath as she sat next to them.
Mita was still shocked to say anything.
“She didn’t know about Ashi?” Vivek asked “I told you Nidhi. She has to know everything”
“You don’t know she is paranoid. She has let a number of good men pass and always made some bad choices. Have you asked her?” Nidhi asked. Vivek nodded affirmatively.
“Look Mita! I always thought you had made some bad choices but then you always believed them. Even when you married, you thought he would change. He didn’t. If I would have introduced Vivek with all the truth, you would have backed out. For you he would be a married man with a child. You would have never known him.” Nidhi was trying to reason out with Mita. “I think you both make a wonderful couple. He wanted someone who had a child of her own so that Ashi gets the same love her real mother would give her.”
Mita looked at Ashi. She was a sweet child. Ashi and Shweta were playing at the other table totally oblivious of the drama happening there. Mita looked at Vivek and then at Nidhi. There were some decision to be made. It was of no use waiting and thinking it over. She was tired of putting her decision on hold and then regretting over it.
She looked at Vivek “Vivek, call me in the evening. We need to talk” She called out to Shweta to go home.
Vivek was silent “Listen! I am sorry. I thought Nidhi…”His voice trailed of looking at her face. Nidhi stood there silent. She shook her hands in despair.
Mita took Shweta’s hand and started walking toward the exit. Nidhi wanted to call her from behind but decided otherwise.
Mita stopped, looked back at Vivek and Nidhi. She kneeled down in front of Shweta and looked her in her eyes
“Do you know, who Ashi is?” Mita asked Shweta. Nidhi shook her head in despair expecting her anger to come out then and there. Shweta nodded a big “No”
‘Well! Beta! She is your sister” Mita smiled looking at Vivek and Nidhi. Shweta jumped with joy. Vivek was smiling sheepishly. Nidhi was too happy to say anything.
Mita got up, looked at Vivek again, smiling this time “Vivek, call me, I need to discuss a lot of things with you. A lot of things need to be planned out for the wedding” Vivek and Nidhi smiled back in agreement.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Compromises...
I know that I am(was?) strong (emotionally speaking) I can live life on my own terms, I know conformity is for the "ordinary" people. And it is possible to have a fulfilled life without following the "bhed chal"! Yet, I feel weak sometimes, despite knowing everything I am willing to turn a blind eye? Why? Its just easier that way and who wants a struggle all the time!
It's difficult to explain. Lets say, there are certain things that are discomfortable - for example some cloths or shoes whatever - but you wear them because everyone does, its the thing to do. Its the same with life you do certain things because everyone does it...go to school, go to college, find a job, find a husband/wife (even a lousy one would do just so that everyone would get off your case).
But again its a mind game - if you want to give it importance it is important if you don't, no big deal...another girly example? Like a women who wears makeup every single day would hesitate to go to say a mall (where she doesn't know anyone) without make up thinking she wouldn't look attractive enough (as if anyone really gives a damn!). Its all in the mind! Ok I am confused here...I use to be good at this stuff when I was in school...seems like I have lost my touch...
One shouldn't have to make Compromises! But I still see myself making them at every step of the way...reminds me of a song from a film a friend and I recently discussed...
It's difficult to explain. Lets say, there are certain things that are discomfortable - for example some cloths or shoes whatever - but you wear them because everyone does, its the thing to do. Its the same with life you do certain things because everyone does it...go to school, go to college, find a job, find a husband/wife (even a lousy one would do just so that everyone would get off your case).
But again its a mind game - if you want to give it importance it is important if you don't, no big deal...another girly example? Like a women who wears makeup every single day would hesitate to go to say a mall (where she doesn't know anyone) without make up thinking she wouldn't look attractive enough (as if anyone really gives a damn!). Its all in the mind! Ok I am confused here...I use to be good at this stuff when I was in school...seems like I have lost my touch...
One shouldn't have to make Compromises! But I still see myself making them at every step of the way...reminds me of a song from a film a friend and I recently discussed...
Yeh Jeevan Hai, Is Jeevan Ka
Yahi Hai - Yahi Hai - Yahi Hai Rang-roop
Thode Ghum Hain, Thodi Khushiyan
Yahi Hai - Yahi Hai - Yahi Hai Chaon Dhoop
Yeh Jeevan Hai...
Yeh Na Socho Isme Apni Haar Hai Ke Jeet Hai
Ise Apna Lo Jo Bhi Jeevan Ki Reet Hai
Yeh Zid Chodo, Bandhan Yuh Na Todo
Har Pal Ek Darpan Hai
Yeh Jeevan Hai...
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Part 3 posted
Okie people...want story ideas...read this and give ideas on what mita should do...best suggestion gets...whatever you want...
"Talk to him once if you don't like him then just reject him!"
Mita was uncomfortable with this...she hated this concept...of being looked at or looking at someone in that way. It is so much better to know people for who they are without having to see them through the prospective angle/lens.
Its pretty stressful to talk to someone with that little piece of information at the back of your head.
It came as a relief that Nidhi had already done the ground work for her. She had already told the guy "everything" -all the things that had stopped others in their track! All the details. After all it was Nidhi's cousin she was talking about.
"I can't reject anyone! Its so cruel to do that"
"Fine, do whatever you want" she could sense the anger in Nidhi's voice
And we all know when a woman uses the word "fine" that means trouble.
"To be honest with you Nidhi...I am ok the way I am...I don't want any of this"
"Fine. All I am asking you is talk to him"
"I am more comfortable emailing"
"Okie will let him know"
"Thanks hon! And don't you get angry with me...you are all i got here!"
"Thats what i am saying let me help you...you deserve so much better...and would I pick someone bad for you?"
"Okie my head is going to swell up now...so i will talk to you later"
She kept the phone down.
She recieved an email from him the next day. He told her that Nidhi had told him everything about her. He was fine with it, after all no one in this world is perfect and everyone has a history. And that he had heard so many good things from Nidhi about her. He wanted to know more about her from her.... At the end of the email. He asked for a picture.
Mita thought about it. Her heart and head both said "No" but for Nidhi's sake she will send him a picture. She wasn't a beauty just average looking...so she took a really bad picture of herself and sent it to him. Hoping he wouldn't be interested after that...after all how much can a guy take! But surprise of surprise he fould her cute! And said how beatiful she looked.
And the email began to flow in...
Now...don't know what to do with Mita...suggestions on what she should do are welcome...and keep in mind this is fiction ;)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part -2
He seemed eager to know about her. He had said all the right things. But there was something that Mita could not put a finger on it but something in her being advised her against it...some sort of sixth sense. It had warned her before, but she had supressed it then and the consequence she will have to live with for the rest of her life. She was utterly confused. On one hand was the pressure from everyone around her to get married...she was fast approaching the dreaded age. She didn't have anything special about her...average looks, average finances...and then at the top of it the stigma of...she shook her head to not even start thinking about that....
Nidhi had promised her she told him "everything"...he never mentioned any of it in his emails...only in the first he had mentioned none of us being perfect....
She didn't have it in her to find love again. And everyone else had given up on her...through it all Nidhi had stood by her like a rock...She still instilled hope in her...and after her(Mita's) last attempt had failed...Nidhi decided to step in and take some action and thats how Vivek came in the picture.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3
"Good Night!"
"Good night, Kev" she looked at the time it was already 7.30 and she was still at work trying to meet the unrealistic schedules that managers promise to the executive team!
She hated taking her work home but she didn't have much of a choice, she shoved the notebook in the bag and headed home, there were still people working...but she was exhausted.
"Good night guys"
"Good night Mita"
"Have a good one"
"See you tomarrow"
By the time she reached home it was already 8.30.
She rebooted her computer, logged into messenger, switched on the t.v. Picked up the phone to check her messages.
You have 2 new messages. To listen to your messages press 11...
The automated voice response continued.
First Message
"Mita, its me (It was Nidhi) its 8 o clock where are you? Nothing particular will call you later. Bye"
To reply to the message press...Second message
"Haan meetu beta, call home...you didn't even call last week (It was mom)"
She calculated the time must be around 7 in the morning in India. Too early to call mom and dad.
She called Nidhi
Her husband picked up the phone
"Hi Nidhant"
"Hi Mita, how are you?"
"I am good and you?"
"I am good too. You sound tired though"
"Kinda, long day at work..."
"Tell me about it! Let me call Nidhi"
"Thanks"
"Heeey!!!"
"Hi Nidhi, got your message"
"Yes, so how is it going?"
Mita knew what she was asking!
"katt rahi hai"
"Kaat maat..so hows it going with Vivek "
"I donno...he seems like a nice guy"
"He is"
Leave her alone Nidhi...she just came back from work let her rest. She could overhear Nidant.
"You just got home? from work you mean?"
"Where else?"
"ok..you know what nidant is right will call you on the weekend"
"Its ok. You tell me, how are you"
"Same old same old. I was talking to my aunt last night and it occured to me you haven't told me how its going with Vivek"
"He emails me now and then and I reply to him. Last week he asked me if i have messenger".
Nidhi detected no emotions in the way she said that.
"You know what, take a few days off...lets go to Montreal..."
"I wish...release hai...and I have to fend for myself", she laughed.
"hmm..we will have to do something about that"
They both laughed.
"Mita, call me on the weekend"
"Alrighty"
"Bye."
"Bye"
She searched for some kind of a quick meal...baggett-tomatoes- she decided to make do bruchetta with cranberry juice.
She longed for a well cooked meal...like mom made.
She worked on the project for a few hours.
What a life she thought. It occured to her no wonder she did not have anyone in her life...where was the time for it? Online relationships was all she had time for!
----------------------------------------
Sorry folks totally went of track here...will get back on track soon! This sounds more like vi's life then mita's ;)
"Talk to him once if you don't like him then just reject him!"
Mita was uncomfortable with this...she hated this concept...of being looked at or looking at someone in that way. It is so much better to know people for who they are without having to see them through the prospective angle/lens.
Its pretty stressful to talk to someone with that little piece of information at the back of your head.
It came as a relief that Nidhi had already done the ground work for her. She had already told the guy "everything" -all the things that had stopped others in their track! All the details. After all it was Nidhi's cousin she was talking about.
"I can't reject anyone! Its so cruel to do that"
"Fine, do whatever you want" she could sense the anger in Nidhi's voice
And we all know when a woman uses the word "fine" that means trouble.
"To be honest with you Nidhi...I am ok the way I am...I don't want any of this"
"Fine. All I am asking you is talk to him"
"I am more comfortable emailing"
"Okie will let him know"
"Thanks hon! And don't you get angry with me...you are all i got here!"
"Thats what i am saying let me help you...you deserve so much better...and would I pick someone bad for you?"
"Okie my head is going to swell up now...so i will talk to you later"
She kept the phone down.
She recieved an email from him the next day. He told her that Nidhi had told him everything about her. He was fine with it, after all no one in this world is perfect and everyone has a history. And that he had heard so many good things from Nidhi about her. He wanted to know more about her from her.... At the end of the email. He asked for a picture.
Mita thought about it. Her heart and head both said "No" but for Nidhi's sake she will send him a picture. She wasn't a beauty just average looking...so she took a really bad picture of herself and sent it to him. Hoping he wouldn't be interested after that...after all how much can a guy take! But surprise of surprise he fould her cute! And said how beatiful she looked.
And the email began to flow in...
Now...don't know what to do with Mita...suggestions on what she should do are welcome...and keep in mind this is fiction ;)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part -2
He seemed eager to know about her. He had said all the right things. But there was something that Mita could not put a finger on it but something in her being advised her against it...some sort of sixth sense. It had warned her before, but she had supressed it then and the consequence she will have to live with for the rest of her life. She was utterly confused. On one hand was the pressure from everyone around her to get married...she was fast approaching the dreaded age. She didn't have anything special about her...average looks, average finances...and then at the top of it the stigma of...she shook her head to not even start thinking about that....
Nidhi had promised her she told him "everything"...he never mentioned any of it in his emails...only in the first he had mentioned none of us being perfect....
She didn't have it in her to find love again. And everyone else had given up on her...through it all Nidhi had stood by her like a rock...She still instilled hope in her...and after her(Mita's) last attempt had failed...Nidhi decided to step in and take some action and thats how Vivek came in the picture.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3
"Good Night!"
"Good night, Kev" she looked at the time it was already 7.30 and she was still at work trying to meet the unrealistic schedules that managers promise to the executive team!
She hated taking her work home but she didn't have much of a choice, she shoved the notebook in the bag and headed home, there were still people working...but she was exhausted.
"Good night guys"
"Good night Mita"
"Have a good one"
"See you tomarrow"
By the time she reached home it was already 8.30.
She rebooted her computer, logged into messenger, switched on the t.v. Picked up the phone to check her messages.
You have 2 new messages. To listen to your messages press 11...
The automated voice response continued.
First Message
"Mita, its me (It was Nidhi) its 8 o clock where are you? Nothing particular will call you later. Bye"
To reply to the message press...Second message
"Haan meetu beta, call home...you didn't even call last week (It was mom)"
She calculated the time must be around 7 in the morning in India. Too early to call mom and dad.
She called Nidhi
Her husband picked up the phone
"Hi Nidhant"
"Hi Mita, how are you?"
"I am good and you?"
"I am good too. You sound tired though"
"Kinda, long day at work..."
"Tell me about it! Let me call Nidhi"
"Thanks"
"Heeey!!!"
"Hi Nidhi, got your message"
"Yes, so how is it going?"
Mita knew what she was asking!
"katt rahi hai"
"Kaat maat..so hows it going with Vivek "
"I donno...he seems like a nice guy"
"He is"
Leave her alone Nidhi...she just came back from work let her rest. She could overhear Nidant.
"You just got home? from work you mean?"
"Where else?"
"ok..you know what nidant is right will call you on the weekend"
"Its ok. You tell me, how are you"
"Same old same old. I was talking to my aunt last night and it occured to me you haven't told me how its going with Vivek"
"He emails me now and then and I reply to him. Last week he asked me if i have messenger".
Nidhi detected no emotions in the way she said that.
"You know what, take a few days off...lets go to Montreal..."
"I wish...release hai...and I have to fend for myself", she laughed.
"hmm..we will have to do something about that"
They both laughed.
"Mita, call me on the weekend"
"Alrighty"
"Bye."
"Bye"
She searched for some kind of a quick meal...baggett-tomatoes- she decided to make do bruchetta with cranberry juice.
She longed for a well cooked meal...like mom made.
She worked on the project for a few hours.
What a life she thought. It occured to her no wonder she did not have anyone in her life...where was the time for it? Online relationships was all she had time for!
----------------------------------------
Sorry folks totally went of track here...will get back on track soon! This sounds more like vi's life then mita's ;)
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Farewell
So march 31...my last day at --. It was also xyz last day at --.
He has worked there for 5 years...and he is very popular.... There was a cake cutting ceremony esp. for him. I forgot the time so by the time i heard the cheers it was already crowded. So i stood at the back listening to him talk about his time there...etc etc and the simultaneous going of at least 40 camra clicks when he cut the cake...he thanked everyone...through it all he saw me...standing at the back...and gestured to come to him. I nodded and he put his arms out...so i walked passed the crowd and went to him...and very naturally a hug followed. In front of everyone...And before I realised everyone's eyes were on me...or at least thats the feeling i got...
People hung around for about 20 minutes xyz opened his present and thanked everyone...then he started to cry...and got really emotional...told everyone thanks...please go back to work now...everyone dispersed some with tears in their eyes...I went back and told him, I want a pic with you...he said sure. So A took our pic, then P called everyone and we took a pic with everyone. Then I went back to my cubicle...thought about how nice xyz had been to me....went to shops downstair and got him something I know he is fond of...I was going to his office and he was on his way out...so i said "My thank you note"
"For what hon?"
"For everything you've done for me"
"What is it?"
Its nothing just a note of thanks
He began to open it and I protested
"Don't open it here"
"Why not...whats in it?"
"Nothing"
"Ok lets go to the meeting room...you and me"
"No xyz"
He was opening the envelop again
"Please!"
"Ok but if it has something I am going to track you down at your new work place" he joked.
After work we went to this resturant. We went in the subway...it was fun.
I asked him are you sad?
"A little"
I didn't want to be clinging to him to much.
At resturant people busied themselves with beer and food...both of which I could not participate in...so in an hour or so decided to go home. I didn't want to say bye so decided to slip out but it didn't work with y and xyz. They came down to see me off...with a promise to keep in touch and hugs to last a life time we bid farewell....
He has worked there for 5 years...and he is very popular.... There was a cake cutting ceremony esp. for him. I forgot the time so by the time i heard the cheers it was already crowded. So i stood at the back listening to him talk about his time there...etc etc and the simultaneous going of at least 40 camra clicks when he cut the cake...he thanked everyone...through it all he saw me...standing at the back...and gestured to come to him. I nodded and he put his arms out...so i walked passed the crowd and went to him...and very naturally a hug followed. In front of everyone...And before I realised everyone's eyes were on me...or at least thats the feeling i got...
People hung around for about 20 minutes xyz opened his present and thanked everyone...then he started to cry...and got really emotional...told everyone thanks...please go back to work now...everyone dispersed some with tears in their eyes...I went back and told him, I want a pic with you...he said sure. So A took our pic, then P called everyone and we took a pic with everyone. Then I went back to my cubicle...thought about how nice xyz had been to me....went to shops downstair and got him something I know he is fond of...I was going to his office and he was on his way out...so i said "My thank you note"
"For what hon?"
"For everything you've done for me"
"What is it?"
Its nothing just a note of thanks
He began to open it and I protested
"Don't open it here"
"Why not...whats in it?"
"Nothing"
"Ok lets go to the meeting room...you and me"
"No xyz"
He was opening the envelop again
"Please!"
"Ok but if it has something I am going to track you down at your new work place" he joked.
After work we went to this resturant. We went in the subway...it was fun.
I asked him are you sad?
"A little"
I didn't want to be clinging to him to much.
At resturant people busied themselves with beer and food...both of which I could not participate in...so in an hour or so decided to go home. I didn't want to say bye so decided to slip out but it didn't work with y and xyz. They came down to see me off...with a promise to keep in touch and hugs to last a life time we bid farewell....
Friday, March 31, 2006
Bye...Yet again!
I have lived quite a nomadic life but goodbye have always been difficult. And today was no different. I worked with them for less then 5 months but today I felt as if...
In these short 4 or so months I had the opportunity to work with some of the nicest people I have ever met...thanks Y and M you guys are the best! I am totally hugged out today...lost count...went to a resturant after work...me fasting but couldn't say no to xyz now could I?
This is some of what I have learned from the these two...
Be nice to people (everyone!)...it can make a difference in someone's life...
-->I was always indifferent (at work that is---or as they call it Professional) before this...
Be patient...Y had to really put up with my stupid questions sometimes...but he never lost his cool or showed any irritation!
--> I did not join teaching school because I am not good at answering the same question more then two times...
Go out of your way to be helpful...may be the other person is hesitant if you know they need your help offer it, don't wait for them to come to you...
--> I generally mind my own business
Don't judge people...
-->well thats something...I have always believed in but it just re-affirmed my faith in it
Be more forgiving...
I have always had issues with forgiveness....but now I realize more and more....resentment is not good for one's health...
--->And no, all this does not mean be a doormat...
In these short 4 or so months I had the opportunity to work with some of the nicest people I have ever met...thanks Y and M you guys are the best! I am totally hugged out today...lost count...went to a resturant after work...me fasting but couldn't say no to xyz now could I?
This is some of what I have learned from the these two...
Be nice to people (everyone!)...it can make a difference in someone's life...
-->I was always indifferent (at work that is---or as they call it Professional) before this...
Be patient...Y had to really put up with my stupid questions sometimes...but he never lost his cool or showed any irritation!
--> I did not join teaching school because I am not good at answering the same question more then two times...
Go out of your way to be helpful...may be the other person is hesitant if you know they need your help offer it, don't wait for them to come to you...
--> I generally mind my own business
Don't judge people...
-->well thats something...I have always believed in but it just re-affirmed my faith in it
Be more forgiving...
I have always had issues with forgiveness....but now I realize more and more....resentment is not good for one's health...
--->And no, all this does not mean be a doormat...
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Sankalp
Every 6 months I have this ritual of sankalp...a pleadge...Its usually a few minutes before an image of durga...the night before and till now it was just something thats done...but today I realised something...if a pledge/resolve...can give me the strength to do what I normally can't (read: keep me calm and composed and relatively happy mood despite no carbs)...then it must be a powerful thing!
So beside that I have also taken another sankalp today...and I have always been a believer that you can make anything you say true...in other word make your word potent...by not uttering falsehood...its not an easy path but hi...its worth the challenges....
So beside that I have also taken another sankalp today...and I have always been a believer that you can make anything you say true...in other word make your word potent...by not uttering falsehood...its not an easy path but hi...its worth the challenges....
Sunday, March 19, 2006
For my daughter....written in a happy state of mind!
Inspiration:
Mere ghar aai(aiyggi?) ek nanhi pari...
Esp love the last few lines
MaiN Tere Dil MeiN Thii Hameshaa Se
Ghar MeiN Aai HuuN Aaj Pahalii Baar
....
Recently had a maternal phase...
First happened to lay my hands on a book called "Chicken soup for the mothers soul" so after soggy pillow, and swollen eyes on Friday...(HAHAHA-I am not in a psych ward yet...but get a feeling I will be there soon!) things are back to normal.
Ever since I can remember I was wanted to be a MOM! I love kids, they are just adorable...cute cuddly little people.. :)
Anyways, I was reading the Lalita Sahasranamam and came across a name that I had always thought I would give my daughter...when I have one! And a train of thought followed, how nice it would be to inculcate values in a child, imagine vi and little vi together...vi reading the naamavali and little vi's name would come up, and I would tell her the story behind her name, and she would be happy to know of ancient-ness of her name, and pride in it too...
Or, I could even try my hand at singing...
May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam,
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home.
May you grow to be proud, dignified, and true,
And do unto others as you'd have done to you.
Be courageous and be brave,
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young
So went out today...thought of buying some new cloths...couldn't find anything :( but came across this very pretty dress for a 2-5 year old...green and magenta so cute...so I bought it...of course for T's daughter...:)
Mere ghar aai(aiyggi?) ek nanhi pari...
Esp love the last few lines
MaiN Tere Dil MeiN Thii Hameshaa Se
Ghar MeiN Aai HuuN Aaj Pahalii Baar
....
Recently had a maternal phase...
First happened to lay my hands on a book called "Chicken soup for the mothers soul" so after soggy pillow, and swollen eyes on Friday...(HAHAHA-I am not in a psych ward yet...but get a feeling I will be there soon!) things are back to normal.
Ever since I can remember I was wanted to be a MOM! I love kids, they are just adorable...cute cuddly little people.. :)
Anyways, I was reading the Lalita Sahasranamam and came across a name that I had always thought I would give my daughter...when I have one! And a train of thought followed, how nice it would be to inculcate values in a child, imagine vi and little vi together...vi reading the naamavali and little vi's name would come up, and I would tell her the story behind her name, and she would be happy to know of ancient-ness of her name, and pride in it too...
Or, I could even try my hand at singing...
May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam,
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home.
May you grow to be proud, dignified, and true,
And do unto others as you'd have done to you.
Be courageous and be brave,
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young
So went out today...thought of buying some new cloths...couldn't find anything :( but came across this very pretty dress for a 2-5 year old...green and magenta so cute...so I bought it...of course for T's daughter...:)
Friday, March 17, 2006
The count down
10 days left...then new people new place new stuff...have this strange feeling..uncertainity...don't know what the people there will be like...I know they can't be as nice as xyz...I will miss him...everyday when I look at him I think 10 days and then I won't be seeing him anymore...and the fact that he is so affectionate makes it even more difficult.
This last year I have had so many people in my life, ...its been a hectic year 3 job changes, courses, spiritual highs, and financial highs, but emotional lows...every job is better then the last...title, money but its so damn shallow...
Recently realised how clingy I have become...seriously, clingy...its probably insecurity...but I am getting back on track every morning I tell my self...I should be grateful for what I have...and I should have faith...they say faith can move mountains...may be my faith is not that strong but I have to make it strong...
Looking back have been with this group since late Nov....
Came on "special assignment" for 3 days...during crunch time...
A week later, xyz talked to my manager and had me transfered to his team...my lucky day...gave me a better rate, closer to home and boss who calls you "beautiful","love", "honey" who (almost) always smiles, gives you a day off when you look tired, lends a shoulder to cry on, ...gives you his cellphone when you need to go somewhere you might need to be in touch, who writes recommendation letters 4 in a day! who just makes you feel special, who is just awesome, who you can't help but feel bad about leaving, who you can't stop talking about, who is a blessing! Yes, he is a blessing because I was at a point when I needed that job desperately for various reasons, when I was going insane commuting 3 hours each day, I prayed to durga ma and to Shiva to help and that help came in the form of xyz. So he is a blessing!
This last year I have had so many people in my life, ...its been a hectic year 3 job changes, courses, spiritual highs, and financial highs, but emotional lows...every job is better then the last...title, money but its so damn shallow...
Recently realised how clingy I have become...seriously, clingy...its probably insecurity...but I am getting back on track every morning I tell my self...I should be grateful for what I have...and I should have faith...they say faith can move mountains...may be my faith is not that strong but I have to make it strong...
Looking back have been with this group since late Nov....
Came on "special assignment" for 3 days...during crunch time...
A week later, xyz talked to my manager and had me transfered to his team...my lucky day...gave me a better rate, closer to home and boss who calls you "beautiful","love", "honey" who (almost) always smiles, gives you a day off when you look tired, lends a shoulder to cry on, ...gives you his cellphone when you need to go somewhere you might need to be in touch, who writes recommendation letters 4 in a day! who just makes you feel special, who is just awesome, who you can't help but feel bad about leaving, who you can't stop talking about, who is a blessing! Yes, he is a blessing because I was at a point when I needed that job desperately for various reasons, when I was going insane commuting 3 hours each day, I prayed to durga ma and to Shiva to help and that help came in the form of xyz. So he is a blessing!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Ups and downs
After a long time actually felt happy today...my eyes for once twinkled with happiness!
Actually feeling calm after the dream...on saturday night...it soothed my nerves...
Monday morning so did shiv pooja...
Karpoor Gouram Karunnaavataram Sansaar Saaram Bhujgendra Haaram.
Sadaa Vasantam Hridyaarvrinde Bhavam Bhavaani Sahitam Namaami.
Mangalam baghwan shambo mangalam ....
So the day started on a good note...
got to work and got quite a bit done by 11.00 had a meeting with the other company's HR so when I was leaving xyz came out-he knew where i was going...so he said "All the best love" I said thanks....
Met the other company HR rep and finally signed the job offer -after contemplating, bargaining/negotiating for weeks..-so come April 3rd me off to "our competitors"
Came back to work around 12.10 no time for lunch vaise bhi no biggie...got some work done...
xyz came by...and asked for an update..."almost done!"...he wanted it done by march 31...so he was very happy...he knelt in front of me and said "I love you. I love you...for all the work" it was so funny...
Apart from work and everyday life feeling much better...calmness...to the level of serenity...haven't even worn crazy lip colours this week!
I'm gonna live for ever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
I feel it coming together...
Love this song...does anyone have it???
Why do I get a feeling this high won't last...?
Actually feeling calm after the dream...on saturday night...it soothed my nerves...
Monday morning so did shiv pooja...
Karpoor Gouram Karunnaavataram Sansaar Saaram Bhujgendra Haaram.
Sadaa Vasantam Hridyaarvrinde Bhavam Bhavaani Sahitam Namaami.
Mangalam baghwan shambo mangalam ....
So the day started on a good note...
got to work and got quite a bit done by 11.00 had a meeting with the other company's HR so when I was leaving xyz came out-he knew where i was going...so he said "All the best love" I said thanks....
Met the other company HR rep and finally signed the job offer -after contemplating, bargaining/negotiating for weeks..-so come April 3rd me off to "our competitors"
Came back to work around 12.10 no time for lunch vaise bhi no biggie...got some work done...
xyz came by...and asked for an update..."almost done!"...he wanted it done by march 31...so he was very happy...he knelt in front of me and said "I love you. I love you...for all the work" it was so funny...
Apart from work and everyday life feeling much better...calmness...to the level of serenity...haven't even worn crazy lip colours this week!
I'm gonna live for ever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
I feel it coming together...
Love this song...does anyone have it???
Why do I get a feeling this high won't last...?
Saturday, March 11, 2006
harakiri
Its been almost 3 weeks that I have been contemplating moving...one part of me wants to the other doesn't. So when they made the offer two weeks ago, I said I am interested but will have to think about it, two weeks and still couldn't make up my mind. So last week got an ultimatum from them "Yes or No". Still wasn't sure, so I said, I think the dollar amount is a bit low, I want $-K more. It was harakiri...coz after my research I knew what they were offering was standard for my skill-experience-education...I was thinking may be they would just say "Get lost" and then I can stay where I am but no luck, they came back said "OK" but you will have to commit today and sign on it on monday! I so I commited to them...but told them will start on 3 April...why do I get a feeling I am shotting myself in the foot with all the conditions...aren't they going to make my life hell once I do join them :)
Friday, March 10, 2006
whats going on
The more I get the more empty I feel. This year has been good...got my pr, got a fantastic job, but why can't I enjoy these moments, why am I so depressed? Aur kya chahiye mujhe? I should enjoy what i have, I am young, independent, if I want I can have the time of my life but all I do recently is mop...kya ho gaya hai mujhe? Today xyz asked me...you must be excited about this job, I tried to fake the enthu and said "Yes" but he saw through that...My other co-worker he is also a terrific guy...said "with your skill-set you can kick ass!" that did bring a smile on my face...thanks YW, and xyz...you guys are the best!
Pata nahi aisa kyun lagta hai...there is nothing to live for...
Pata nahi aisa kyun lagta hai...there is nothing to live for...
Monday, March 06, 2006
****Fiction****
Vishali stared outside for a while, not at anything in particular, just outside, it was one of those gloomy days…nothing new to the life she had chosen…or was it the other way round, the life that had chosen her.
She contemplated over things, about life, about people, about herself…mostly about herself. Last week had seen her soul crush. She never knew she was capable of hitting rock bottom. She never knew she was so weak, so vulnerable, so damn pathetic, yes pathetic was the word…downright pathetic is what she had become, out of nowhere this depression striked her, “What have I become? Shiva?” The tears flowed like the ganges, pure emotion, pure energy. Tears of humiliation, tears of profound sorrow, tears of loss…loss of self-respect...What have I become shiva? The silent question. She asked the most virile god in the galaxy of gods she prayed to. She never fancied herself as a godess, but she always believed Shiva had a plan for her. Yes, she had her idocyncracies. But she was not a complete nutcase yet…”yet” was the keyword.
In a long time she had contemplated ending it all, it would be so simple, how much easier it would be to end all this…much easier then enduring it, she thought…but she was a coward. Of course, thinking of all the people it would effect was cowardness. Just excuses…who was she kidding she just did not have it in her…and to think she had no right to spoil the lives of those connected to her...was just a pretext!
Between all this, she heard this voice….”You have made it!” She laughed out loud at that…”made it” referred to having an american green card, a good education, a good job, and enough money to buy a house but for whom? For what? This “made it”, was a farce, she knew she didn’t make it, it all just happened, she never did anything to make it happen, it was no accomplishment…
And here she was thinking of throwing it all away...may be she didn’t value it…because she did nothing to get it. Here she was, unable to manage her life…her emotions…sobbing in someone else’s arms…just losing it! Over what? Because nothing had happened. Just feeling sorry for herself! She was ashamed of it, really ashamed…she was still gazing outside…it had turned completely dark, there was a stillness in the air…stillness all around…stillness…this stillness bothered her…but all she had to do was switch on the lights, start the music, and search for the strong person she had lost somewhere…the person who faced everything with courage, who had tremendous faith in herself, in her Shiva.
Where is she? She wondered. The person who told Suraj..."I do love you but love myself esteem more", Where is she who not just said those words but meant them, who never looked back after that day!
She needed to find her back...if she were ever to look in the mirror...
(Just wanted to write an intense piece people...:) is it?...intense that is? Also, inspiration for this came from Oz’s piece on confused desi’s...
She contemplated over things, about life, about people, about herself…mostly about herself. Last week had seen her soul crush. She never knew she was capable of hitting rock bottom. She never knew she was so weak, so vulnerable, so damn pathetic, yes pathetic was the word…downright pathetic is what she had become, out of nowhere this depression striked her, “What have I become? Shiva?” The tears flowed like the ganges, pure emotion, pure energy. Tears of humiliation, tears of profound sorrow, tears of loss…loss of self-respect...What have I become shiva? The silent question. She asked the most virile god in the galaxy of gods she prayed to. She never fancied herself as a godess, but she always believed Shiva had a plan for her. Yes, she had her idocyncracies. But she was not a complete nutcase yet…”yet” was the keyword.
In a long time she had contemplated ending it all, it would be so simple, how much easier it would be to end all this…much easier then enduring it, she thought…but she was a coward. Of course, thinking of all the people it would effect was cowardness. Just excuses…who was she kidding she just did not have it in her…and to think she had no right to spoil the lives of those connected to her...was just a pretext!
Between all this, she heard this voice….”You have made it!” She laughed out loud at that…”made it” referred to having an american green card, a good education, a good job, and enough money to buy a house but for whom? For what? This “made it”, was a farce, she knew she didn’t make it, it all just happened, she never did anything to make it happen, it was no accomplishment…
And here she was thinking of throwing it all away...may be she didn’t value it…because she did nothing to get it. Here she was, unable to manage her life…her emotions…sobbing in someone else’s arms…just losing it! Over what? Because nothing had happened. Just feeling sorry for herself! She was ashamed of it, really ashamed…she was still gazing outside…it had turned completely dark, there was a stillness in the air…stillness all around…stillness…this stillness bothered her…but all she had to do was switch on the lights, start the music, and search for the strong person she had lost somewhere…the person who faced everything with courage, who had tremendous faith in herself, in her Shiva.
Where is she? She wondered. The person who told Suraj..."I do love you but love myself esteem more", Where is she who not just said those words but meant them, who never looked back after that day!
She needed to find her back...if she were ever to look in the mirror...
(Just wanted to write an intense piece people...:) is it?...intense that is? Also, inspiration for this came from Oz’s piece on confused desi’s...
Thursday, March 02, 2006
To T with love
I have know T for almost 5 years now, from the day when my prof put us in a group together for an assignment...never knew it would lead to a life time of friendship! I still remember her she was wearing a white pull over with bright pink lipstick. She had moved to canada after her arranged marriage...we hit it off right away...though we did not speak the same language, we did not move in the same social circle, we are not the same age...
But there was something that just clicked. She has seen me through the best and worst phases-and has always been there for me...and I hope I have been there for her too...the day she became a mom (I am her daughters mausi!), she called her mom and the next person she called was me! The day i got my first job, i called my parents and then her! All my little achievements were shared with her...and her's with me!
Its a long distance friendship now...she is on the west coast! But whenever either of us need a friend we are just a phone call away!
I called her today from work before the melt down! She just knows, from the first word i speak, how i am feeling...as cliched or corny as that may sound she is my friend philosopher guide . I love you T!
Sometimes I wonder...I must have done something right to have people like T and xyz in my life...
P.S. Aaj sab par kuch jyada hi pyar aa raha hai...T pe, xyz pe, Vishal pe, aur bhi kai logon pe :)
But there was something that just clicked. She has seen me through the best and worst phases-and has always been there for me...and I hope I have been there for her too...the day she became a mom (I am her daughters mausi!), she called her mom and the next person she called was me! The day i got my first job, i called my parents and then her! All my little achievements were shared with her...and her's with me!
Its a long distance friendship now...she is on the west coast! But whenever either of us need a friend we are just a phone call away!
I called her today from work before the melt down! She just knows, from the first word i speak, how i am feeling...as cliched or corny as that may sound she is my friend philosopher guide . I love you T!
Sometimes I wonder...I must have done something right to have people like T and xyz in my life...
P.S. Aaj sab par kuch jyada hi pyar aa raha hai...T pe, xyz pe, Vishal pe, aur bhi kai logon pe :)
xyz
Today, things went out of hand...today things collapsed...today things fall apart...got to work but the water works wouldn't stop...afternoon again and then mentor was explaining things and i felt this dizzyness, this tightness this sinking feeling...i was about to collapse he called others and then xyz and i had a little chat...he said...I am not your manager...I am your friend tell me whats going on...I said personal stuff...he insisted..."you have not been your self lately honey". Then he said give me a hug...i hesitated...he said do you mind? I said no. He is just awesome...he told me...i am here if you need me...a very platonic i love you xyz!
Insisted that i take the day off tomarrow...I might...
Insisted that i take the day off tomarrow...I might...
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
couple of things
Another tupsy turvy week...heady mix of emotions and facts! And its just wednesday. For the last one year I have been working as a contractor, not that I had much of a choice but I took contracts because I didn't want to commit to anything, so last week when I was offered a Full time Permanent job (No such thing as that!) I didn't know what I wanted to do. But today its clear, I am going to accept their offer! One unpleasant job remaining, to tell xyz that I am leaving, I hate saying good byes, I am really bad at it! My eyes start leaking, my voice changes, my throat hurts and then I am gloomy for a good month!
I tried telling myself, the pay is much better, but money is not everything, I would pick people over money any day!
I tried telling myself, the pay is much better, but money is not everything, I would pick people over money any day!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
7 Things tag!
7 things I wish to do before I die
1 Meet god! (before I die!:))
2 Be at peace with myself....hulchal hai zindagi mein
3 Write a best seller
4 Pay back/forward all the good deeds that have come my way
5 Be more forgiving (working on that one...Scorpio trait hard to let go!)
6 Read/Write and Speak PERFECT English and Hindi
7 Be the best mom
7 things I do not enjoy:
1 Gossip (puts me off completely)
2 watching hindi movies
3 COMPANY of mean people
4 COMPANY of manipulative people
5 bad language
6 lending money to people who i know have no intension of returning it ;)
7 TELE MARKETING CALLS!
7 things that attracted me to Blogging
1 Paper that I was working on for a psych course (on-line communication!)
2 Ability to express myself
3 being able to share my "stories"
4 being able to interact with people on non-physical terms
5 reading some very interesting people's blog
6 learning from others experience
7 interacting with people with different ideas, life experiences, styles...
7 things I say most often:
1 God!
2 Shoot!
3 Achchaji?
4 I am sleepy!
5 Can I get back to you on that? (Non-commital!)
6 Hi there!
7 Ok! (But ever since oz's inspiring blog have consciously tried to cut down on it!)
7 Books I like (most)
1 What the body remembers
2 A suitable boy
3 Burmese days
4 1984
5 The great gatsby
6 Pride and prejudice
7 Autobiography of a Yogi
7 Movies I want to watch
1 Gone with the wind
2 Roman holidays
3 Any movie based on John Grisham's novels that I haven't watched
4 History inspired movies
5 Funny movies
6 Sleepless in Seatle
7 Umraojaan (Rekha one!)
(I know, I sucked at this...not much of a movie buff!)
7 pieces of Music I enjoy
1 I will survive
2 Holding out for a hero
3 It must have been love
4 Whats love got to do with it
5 Believe
6 Aap yun faslon se gujarte rahe
7 kya khoob lagti ho...
1 Meet god! (before I die!:))
2 Be at peace with myself....hulchal hai zindagi mein
3 Write a best seller
4 Pay back/forward all the good deeds that have come my way
5 Be more forgiving (working on that one...Scorpio trait hard to let go!)
6 Read/Write and Speak PERFECT English and Hindi
7 Be the best mom
7 things I do not enjoy:
1 Gossip (puts me off completely)
2 watching hindi movies
3 COMPANY of mean people
4 COMPANY of manipulative people
5 bad language
6 lending money to people who i know have no intension of returning it ;)
7 TELE MARKETING CALLS!
7 things that attracted me to Blogging
1 Paper that I was working on for a psych course (on-line communication!)
2 Ability to express myself
3 being able to share my "stories"
4 being able to interact with people on non-physical terms
5 reading some very interesting people's blog
6 learning from others experience
7 interacting with people with different ideas, life experiences, styles...
7 things I say most often:
1 God!
2 Shoot!
3 Achchaji?
4 I am sleepy!
5 Can I get back to you on that? (Non-commital!)
6 Hi there!
7 Ok! (But ever since oz's inspiring blog have consciously tried to cut down on it!)
7 Books I like (most)
1 What the body remembers
2 A suitable boy
3 Burmese days
4 1984
5 The great gatsby
6 Pride and prejudice
7 Autobiography of a Yogi
7 Movies I want to watch
1 Gone with the wind
2 Roman holidays
3 Any movie based on John Grisham's novels that I haven't watched
4 History inspired movies
5 Funny movies
6 Sleepless in Seatle
7 Umraojaan (Rekha one!)
(I know, I sucked at this...not much of a movie buff!)
7 pieces of Music I enjoy
1 I will survive
2 Holding out for a hero
3 It must have been love
4 Whats love got to do with it
5 Believe
6 Aap yun faslon se gujarte rahe
7 kya khoob lagti ho...
Friday, February 17, 2006
Nothing!
Kaal pata nahi kyun rona aa raha tha...koi reason nahi...no one said anything, nothing happened, and here I was working and all of a sudden, this depression takes over and tears just start coming! Washed my face and came back to my desk...psyched myself into focusing on work -the fact that I have lots of it helped! Later in the evening went home switched on the t.v nothing good, so switch on my lappy and still nothing, the hangover just won't go away, so just lay there in my work cloths and shoes for a few minutes and the next thing you know its 7:30 a.m in the morning! No change of cloths, no taking off shoes, no dinner, not even chai! It was as if something took over!
So this morning, had shower in my so-called refreshing lavender sented body wash, put on casuals (Its friday!) rushed to work, all the time thinking now that I have my 12 hour sleep I should be bright eyed but no...
...fir bhee jo tum door rahate ho mujh seto rahate hain dil pe udaasee ke saaye
koii khwaab unche makaanon se jhanaanke
koii khwaab baithhaa rahe, sar jhukaye
kabhee dil kee raahon mane faile andheraa
kabhee door tak roshanee muskuraye
magar fir bhee is baat kaa to yakin hai
Mujhe pyaar tumse nahi hai nahi hai....
Trying to psych myself into snapping out of it!
So this morning, had shower in my so-called refreshing lavender sented body wash, put on casuals (Its friday!) rushed to work, all the time thinking now that I have my 12 hour sleep I should be bright eyed but no...
...fir bhee jo tum door rahate ho mujh seto rahate hain dil pe udaasee ke saaye
koii khwaab unche makaanon se jhanaanke
koii khwaab baithhaa rahe, sar jhukaye
kabhee dil kee raahon mane faile andheraa
kabhee door tak roshanee muskuraye
magar fir bhee is baat kaa to yakin hai
Mujhe pyaar tumse nahi hai nahi hai....
Trying to psych myself into snapping out of it!
Friday, February 10, 2006
live and learn!
I was running out of my fav lipstick...its been almost an year since I bought it! So I head to the lancome counter, take out my extensively used lipstick and ask the person.."Hi, I am looking for this shade" she takes it gives it a quick glance and says, "We don't make this any more!"
I go "NOOOOO!!! Really???"
she: "We have this new line..."
me: "I want exactly this colour and texture"
she: Lets try a few shall we?
me: quick glace at the watch...its my lunch time you see! Okay
She showed me about 10 lipsticks but nothing came close.
So we gave up!
she: You might want to try it at this place they might just have it from the last batch!
(So I am headed-atleast planned- there sometime soon)
Lesson learned if you like something get it...it might not be available for too long!
Another thing that I re-learned this week is that I should listen to my head...its there for a reason! I tend to make emotional decisions, and always regret them I remember for a few months and then I am back to being STUPID!
Lesson learned hopefully for good!
I go "NOOOOO!!! Really???"
she: "We have this new line..."
me: "I want exactly this colour and texture"
she: Lets try a few shall we?
me: quick glace at the watch...its my lunch time you see! Okay
She showed me about 10 lipsticks but nothing came close.
So we gave up!
she: You might want to try it at this place they might just have it from the last batch!
(So I am headed-atleast planned- there sometime soon)
Lesson learned if you like something get it...it might not be available for too long!
Another thing that I re-learned this week is that I should listen to my head...its there for a reason! I tend to make emotional decisions, and always regret them I remember for a few months and then I am back to being STUPID!
Lesson learned hopefully for good!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
And things fall in place!
With due apologies to Chinua Achebe!
So life has its ups and downs, sometimes they may seem overwhelming, you feel this is the end of the world for me, now I am just toast (trying to keep it light at the same time :)
And then you look back a few days later and see everything has worked out just fine! The problems, were problems as long as you saw them that way...but they were opportunities too...although in disguise.
This person I know was in a situation the last time I met him, he was all tensed up...with a "Aab kya hoga" look. And I was tensed for him too...and today when I talked to him, he has come to terms with it and planning things in life...I am so happy for him...
So life has its ups and downs, sometimes they may seem overwhelming, you feel this is the end of the world for me, now I am just toast (trying to keep it light at the same time :)
And then you look back a few days later and see everything has worked out just fine! The problems, were problems as long as you saw them that way...but they were opportunities too...although in disguise.
This person I know was in a situation the last time I met him, he was all tensed up...with a "Aab kya hoga" look. And I was tensed for him too...and today when I talked to him, he has come to terms with it and planning things in life...I am so happy for him...
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