Shaadi ke baad

I was mad at D for some trivial reason. But couldn't stay mad when he said "I am not scared of earthquake, tornado, hurricane I am only scared of my wife's "Krodh" kali ma ban ke baithi ho! I smiled...even laughed despite being pissed.

And D stop reading my blog!

I believe in fairy tales

I was always a book worm, loved reading, especially fairy tales,- the ugly duckling, Cinderella...and even when I grew up I still believed in some of the things...but no fairy godmother came my way, no godfather or transformation and I had almost lost hope in fairy tales...what choice did I have...being a recluse and only expressing my opinions on my blog...I existed. Went to work and sometimes just said two sentences - Good Morning....Good Night...See you tomorrow.

And then something wonderful happened...I met not just one but two people who changed my life D and xyz.
D who transformed me into someone I can like some one who feels happy, feels beautiful, feels content with life.
xyz my guardian angel, took me out of my cocoon and help me evolve...from being known only to the person immediately next to my cubicle to a "people person" (knowing a thousand couldn't be an exaggeration). He instilled in me the confidence to believe in myself, to talk to people to express my opinions, to let other people know me...under his guidance I jumped ranks and bands to be where it would normally have taken me 5-7 years...a good career opportunity came my way today...I cannot seem to take it...the promise of money, power, status all seem lackluster compared a sense of contentment.

Deeeee

I had my share of crushes, heartaches, heart breaks and occasional happy moments. Looking back I always thought of my prince charming to be this hunk tall dark and handsome, highly successful, intelligent, popular at the same time religious (hehehe) (the list is long). Someone on the lines of Mr Darcy (Imagine Colin Firth here not some Henderson dude thank you!)...a brown version of...You get the picture! I mean it was always unrealistic it was fantasy and even in reality I choose the most unattainable guy to fall in love with (if you are a regular you know who!)

But being married to D is so refreshing....so real...so natural. He is human, he is down to earth, he is simple with no airs, he isn't romantic in the sweep-you-off-your-feet-kind of way but he tries (like going for walks in the evening and buying me flowers :) (oh oh did I tell you he took me to see the Taj Mahal) . It got me thinking at the end of the day, what I think I wanted and what I really wanted are two different things...if you ask me now...I would take integrity and a warm heart over anything any day.

BTW, Happy Dashera folks, hope you had a nice navratri!

Trip 2 Day 1 first half

There were more butterflies in my stomach this time then last. My flight landed in the wee hours of the morning, it was late by 3 or so hours.
As I came out I saw D, calm and quite in the first row. "P...." he called me by my nickname (dak nam in bengali :))
I didn't see dad or mom with him. He took the trolley from me, no hug no kiss, just a smile.
"How are you handsome?" I enquired.
He mumbled something, and added Dad is here, I took a step back, Dad was there so I went and hugged him.
D and I were sitting in the back. He had discretely enclosed my hand in his. And a certain look with it conveyed that he had missed me as much as I had missed him. We talked about trivial things like the weather.

Got home mom was waiting...with breakfast prep in full swing. My mom's way of expressing her love. My sister called and said she had to restrain herself for not coming because she wanted to give D and me some alone time! But she came within 2 hours, just as I had finished bathing and eating.

D didn't get an opportunity to talk(?) to me in private...after some effort on his part (mom, sister and nephew in other room) he held me close and told me how much he missed me and how his attempts to receive me at the airport all by himself had failed :)). He just managed a quick peck when my 5 year old could be heard headding to our room...

I had the time of my life...and coming back was as difficult if not more then last time.

Long distance 2

So the next day was my first day at my new job. The only good thing was I was going to work with xyz and yw. There were so many new things as it was different from what I was use to doing, so I kind of had to put in 150%. (What all you have to do for money *rolls eyes*) So everything else had to take a backseat.

It took a while before it dawned on me that now it was different. Trip across India, and jetting back home, new job in a different city, everything exhausted me physically and the separation exhausted me emotionally. This continued for about a month. Then things just become routine and life goes on...We talk on yahoo everyday and we spend the whole weekend together online. With the webcam its feels we aren't that far away. I start my day by reading his offlines, and end my day by talking to him. It feels great to be loved so much...everyone tells me I have bloomed since my marriage.

Long distance - 1

***On the cold dark February night that I left Delhi, fighting back tears as I waved to Dad and to D...I felt I couldn't bear this separation this pain, I had always hated airports and goodbyes but this was by far the worst. Dad told me to be his "brave girl" and D was already so sad that I didn't want to make it more difficult for him. But as soon as I was inside the airport...I could not control my tears anymore...at that point of time I would have given up all I had worked so hard for...my "struggling" years of constantly broke student status...to job hopping to make up for the lost time and middle of the night dreams of Immigration woes!...all to be with D...with some one who I had known for a month or so. I knew I couldn't do that I had to be pragmatic...
Coming back to my breaking down at the airport prompted this older couple to come to me "Are you alright dear? Who are you leaving behind?" She guessed from my by-now-light-mehndi and chooda that it was my husband. "You just got married? Oh my dear, my dear he will join you soon" They consoled me all the way to the transit city in Europe. They came to visit me a couple of hours during the flight. And even after 7 hours my tears refused to subside...When we got down both of them hugged me and wished for me. (Talk about kindness of strangers.)

What I hate as much as flying and goodbye at airports is waiting for the connecting flight...I would say it is even worse...being in a strange land, where there was no one that you could call your own...my mind had become numb by now. I tried to call D from the airport but couldn't get through.

I finally got home...Toronto. The familiar streets provided some solace. Familiar people provided relief.
D had asked me to call him as soon as I reached home. I told him it would be around 2.30 A.M. but he had said it did not matter. So I called him as soon as I got home he picked up the phone on the second bell "P----" "Yes, I just got home" I couldn't say much, neither could he...
The next day I had to join my new job...

To be continued...depending on my mood.
***No exaggeration!